One cannot exist in a poisonous fish bowl without breathing in some toxic chemicals. My stubborn koi mind refuses to automatically lose its memory every five seconds. For many years I’ve found myself instead swimming headfirst into a glass wall over, over, over again til I pass out and wake up at 11 the next day, comfortably numb. As I got older I realized how fucked up I am. I’m impotent, enslaved, mute, deaf, blind. That’s NORMAL. It’s abnormal to admit that there’s an elephant in the room..then you’ve got an attitude problem, psychological issues, unresolved family issues…you know, just take a Xanax and it’ll be fiiiine dear.
Things can’t be ok. I can barely create art. Everyone tells me to feed off of the world around me and use reality as my inspiration. I grew up in a prepackaged, artificially sweetened, instant ramen world. Everything was easy Mac; Microwave for thirty seconds. Bright poppy cartoons to keep my growing brain stimulated, colors like Blue, Purple, Orange, Green, and Yellow taking the place of actual fruit flavors. Corn Fed Everything. My childhood friends popping heavy drug based medications like candy. ADHD. ADD. WTF. Now they’re fully grown yet stunted, short, losing hair at 24—The after effects of growing up on Happy Meals and methamphetamines. We’ve embraced an Instagram, Facebook, Twitter based environment. An Environment where users base their self worth off of “likes” from people they barely know or speak to.
User: accurate term. We’re all addicted. You, me, we all are users now. No going back!
I long to create a meaningful painting, write a story that is full of truth, or sing a song from the heart. I am forever caught chasing my tail in this pursuit. My weak heart was raised on a diet of disposable culture. The very truth of this society is its fake, impermanent, consumerist, wasteful, selfish, and general Don’t Give a Fucking Shit lifestyle. Mona Lisa, my Lisa, my Lisa Frank. Can you feel the blood, sweat, and tears that I’m pouring into this painting of Lady GaGa?
And yes, there are many people out there in the eye of the storm…people who continue to create beautiful art. Perhaps they have created a lighthouse where they can observe the tempest below and report on it through a critical lens.
I’m damned because I’m addicted. I keep finding myself swept off my feet. Chase the dragon. User, abuser. Valued Customer. New dresses, new shoes, new life goals, new reasons to not sleep at night. Be unique. Be You. Be You FIRST before EVERYONE ELSE buys YOUR lipstick color. What? Overpopulation bites. It makes us all sooooooo lonely ;(